You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
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Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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