ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
