We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
