Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
