I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
