If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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