just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
