her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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