my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I want is dick and wine.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
