Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
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All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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