can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
