He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize