talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
