Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
