Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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