yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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