Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
