Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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