you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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