mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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