No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
