she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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