he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
