so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
