I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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