ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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