wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
is it fun? or sober?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
