tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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