Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
