I am in a vortex of obligation.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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