last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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