Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
