Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
