I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
