I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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