Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
