if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
