allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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