She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
