i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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