It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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