I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
