Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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