Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Four minutes until I can fart!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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