well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
