the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
