His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
