I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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