he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
