Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
