im six kinds of drunk right now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
