frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
