im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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