we have pet lesbian snakes
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
