I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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