we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He did a backflip because drugs
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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