Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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