Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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