Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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