i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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