guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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