It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
